Halfer

"More than ever I am coming to appreciate the ambiguity, the looseness. I think it's actually been very helpful for me. It's made me more open about learning things, about other cultures, other religious groups, that I think is reflected in my research."

-Paul Bramadat, mixed race professor at the University of Winnipeg who teaches about multiculturalism and tolerance.

About 50% of the people who know me are aware of the fact that I am mixed race. It's something quite unique to grow up with, something not many others can understand. I grew up not fitting in with the white people because I'm Chinese, and not being accepted by the full Chinese because I'm part European. I've thought about it a lot over the years, it comes up when other what I refer to as "Halfers", pop up in my life - but mostly we do the equivalent of a motorcyclist wave as we pass each other; we are kindred, but aren't sure what else to say about it.

There is a great article on the CBC site today about mixed race Canadians and the strange kind of isolation and scrutiny we face. The feature about The Question (oh, we all get The Question) is completely accurate.

In the 2001 census, there were 328,115 people who self-identified as belonging to more than one racial group. Few enough that to meet another is to feel a significant attachment, like you aren't the only lost mixed race baby in town. Like Kip Fulbeck says in the article, we spend our lives checking the box marked 'Other' on questionnaires about race. Other. No wonder we look for the perfect word to describe ourselves! I'm not Other! I'm Hapa, Halfer, Cablinasian, etc. I even used Caucasian Asian Crustacean for the longest time - but I guess CaucAsian would work!

I enjoy how the article talks about how mixed race people tend to feel that their identities are more fluid - I think that's quite true. And so resistance to any one definition also makes sense. It's as if mixed race might be what it takes to start erasing racism. We tend to refuse to say what we are, we get offended, we repeat over and over that we are Canadian and nothing else. We are not the sum of the colours of or parents' skin or shape of eyes, we do not conform to one set of customs over an other. We respect many cultures and revere our Nationality above all else and feel particularly connected to groups outside of our own...because we already have more than one!

It's always been difficult for me to vocalize all of what makes a mixed race person different. Outcast. Isolated. Separate. All the while feeling more connected to all peoples. They are difficult points to reconcile, I know, I've been dealing with it my whole life.

I struggle with embracing my halves or ignoring they exist. People don't like me saying that I'm Canadian. But they sure like it more than when they ask "What are you?" and I answer with "Human." Somehow, that's just not acceptable.

Anyway, if you want to read the article, it's here.