Overheard In The Office #4

"I can't watch that movie."

"Why not?"

"I can't watch Tom Cruise movies because I'm distracted by his tooth. Every time I see him, all I can think is: tipped lateral incisor!"

Overheard at Starbucks

Two men in their mid-30's...

"Yeah, we've finally joined...whatever century we're in right now, and bought a computer and an ipod."

"Oh yeah? You liking it?"

"It's fun, we're busy copying all the CDs we have."

"Well, congratulations on joining the Now Generation!"

Year 3

Today is the third anniversary of my first post and much has evolved since then.


Omnia mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis
(All things change, and we change with them)

-Alexander Pope

Letters from Edmonton

I spent the last few days in Alberta's capital for a Multigenerational Workplaces Forum. There was interactive polling with real time manipulation of data, guest speakers weighing in on Traditionalists, Baby Boomers, Generation Xs and Generation Ys in the workforce, recruitment and retention strategies, "Conversation Cafés" to get the brain juices flowing, and a whole lot of moderators.

Here's what I took home from the Forum:

-The Public Service will not be motivated to adjust the status quo by hiring true Gen X and Ys when they can hire people of Gen X/Y age who have Traditionalist and Baby Boomer values and attitudes.

-Edmonton is too cold, flat, and empty.

-And many quotes...


"Before the average was 2.5 children per family. Now it's 1.2 children. A full child and a coupe of legs running around."

"Powerful right? You hear a song, 'Ah yes, I remember that summer...' Or, as many Boomers remind us, 'We don't remember that summer.'"

"People are not like rocks."

"These generations don't respect people in their positions unless it is earned. Just because you exist, it doesn't make you competent."

"It's the 'Bums In The Seats Principle' - if I can't see you, you're not working."

"And this is what we call being professional? All dress in the same suits, don't show too much emotion, don't use too many adjectives..."

"Boomers are about 'Sex, Drugs & Rock'n'Roll', and Xs are about the fear of sex, drugs and rock and roll."

"You can get this free encryption service. Now, this is basic encryption: the CIA can break it, the RCMP can ask the CIA to break it..."

Guru Sage

Today, courts in Taiwan ruled that presidential candidate Ma Ying-jeou is not guilty of corruption. Which means this popular candidate can continue with his campaign - which is nice. But what caught my eye in the article was Ma's response to the verdict and expression of confidence in the justice system.

"No matter how high the mountain, it cannot block the sun," he told a news conference at his campaign headquarters. "I feel at peace right now. But this is just a beginning because the road ahead will be difficult."

"No matter how high the mountain, it cannot block the sun." We just don't hear these eloquent bits in North American politics, no reference to an ancient non-religious yarn of wisdom. Ma's words are somehow beautiful and calming. But that might be because I'm kinda Chinese.

Random Quote #6

"It was the least pleasant experience I've ever had due to weather." -Wookiee, on boarding 7th Heaven at Blackcomb

Overheard In The Office #3

Incorrect use of the word "dramatic" on one side of a phone conversation to a roommate.

"Stinky [the cat] ate some plastic?"
...
"Oh, he's just being all dramatical."
...
"Well, you better get him food or he's going to be all dramatical until we get home!"

Words #3

A word that has been finding its way into our conversations a lot lately...

hubris [HYOO-bruhs]

-excessive pride or self-confidence; arrogance

"As both capitalist and communist states—not to mention the technological world—have evolved under the illusion that men purposefully built them, ideological optimism seeps into every niche of our lives. It is made worse by mass culture which feeds our most destructive illusions, fostering the belief that if we’re only justified (and who isn't?) if we only calculate things correctly, if we only do the right thing (and who doesn't?) then the future must yield the desired results. There must always be a way. And so hubris turns to false certainties, everyone expects to be a winner, and each morning is a mind-blowing surprise."

-Stephen Vizinczey, One of the Very Few

Stoner Geeks

That's what we are. A girl I met in Amsterdam said that she got the feeling that I threw the wickedest parties. She would be wrong about that. Being an American in Amsterdam I knew she had a wild frat party in mind. When I chill with my friends, we relax, toke, and have high-minded philosophical discussions about things most do not expect.

Wookiee: You know what Will Ferrell is? He's an even-more-insane version of Bill Murray. He's Bill Murray squared.

Spage: Well, I don't know if 'squared' is really the right term.

W: You're right...Will Ferrell is the inverse log of Bill Murray!

S: Yeah, I think that's more accurate.

W: Will Ferrell is 10 to the power of Bill Murray.

QED


`

Appetite

"I haven't eaten anything today - except some circus animals."

-Wookiee

Overheard In Victoria

On the corner of Douglas & Fort Streets, a girl walking down the street while a guy walks along nearby says into her cell, "No, I'm talking to some guy I just felt up."

On the balcony of my hotel room, Dave enlightens me on bagpipe playing technique with, "You get more bag control with a rolling rate."

In the line up for drinks at Huggy's wedding reception, I misheard a question;

Sarah: "You heard my Jack Layton gossip right?"

Spage: "Your ejaculation gossip??"

Guy in line ahead of me turns around: "Clearly, this is the conversation I should be involved in.

Horoscope Non Sequitur

I rarely ever waste my time reading the newspaper's horoscopes, but the other day I was sitting at a conference registration table (after all the participants had registered) and I was bored. It was pretty standard - until the unexpected finale.

"Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You will likely learn something new today. Ideas from unexpected sources, as well as innovative concepts are stimulating. Be alert for surprises connected with travel, education, publishing and the media. This is a pleasantly stimulating day. You're sure to learn something new. (Elvis lives!)"

The repeat of "learn something new" leads me to believe that this paper's resident psychic wants me to know that what I learned that day, was that Elvis lives. Hey, that was stimulating.


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Purity Question

I love all of the 500 Question Purity Test, but the best "have you ever" question in it is:

Question #390.

Have you ever...

...played in or with shit.

~

Best Cookie Fortune Ever

"So what is your plan?"

"It's a secret venture. But rest assured, it will work out brilliantly."



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Ah, Hipocrisy

One year ago, not one week after winning a seat in the Federal election, a local Liberal MP named David Emerson crossed the floor and joined the Conservatives in exchange for a plum cabinet appointment - including being responsible for our fucking Olympics. And that wasn't enough because Emerson then made it clear he didn't give a shit what his constituents thought and proceeded to insult them. Outrage was had by all, and there are still many people in his riding actively protesting his defection.

In parliament, there were echos of our discontent, calls for a by-election, criticism of the Prime Minister who the previous year had cried foul over one of his Conservative MPs crossing the floor to the Liberals, and general foaming at the mouth. Conservative MP Garth Turner "said then that anyone who crosses the floor should step down and run in a by-election". It was this kind of party criticism that got Turner kicked out of the Conservative caucus last fall.

So what? Well, at 5 p.m. ET today it will be officially announced that Garth Turner, who is now an Independent MP, will be crossing the floor and joining the Liberal Party. (article)

*sigh*

Maybe parliament is going to follow the Survivor route on this one. Osten is to Survivor as Belinda is to the House of Commons? It seems to me that if all of this floor crossing becomes the norm, then couldn't all MPs just run for the party that is showing the strongest in the polls and then jump ship to their preferred team after being elected? Seems pretty effective, and nobody seems to mind all that much. Man, I hate politics. Okay, I love it. But only because I hate it. I'm here to rally the peeps, if you don't like what's going on, you gotta make it known. If you don't know what's going on, well, that's a bigger problem than rogue MPs.

"And remember one thing: No matter who we elect into office, the people you elect, the people I elect, you have the fucking power, we are the fucking leaders: don't let these bastards dictate your life or try to tell you what to do, alright!" -Billie Joe Armstrong (Bullet In A Bible)

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Navigator

We're driving, we're stoned, we can't remember (as usual) which street Chalet Swiss is on. My passenger is no help at all.

"Braemar! What street is it on?"

"Fa-nu-nuh..."


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Halloween

"Your pumpkin fell over."

"What pumpkin?"

"That pumpkin."

"Oh! Thank you! That's my Sponge Pumpkin."

"You have something called a Sponge Pumpkin?"

"I have 6! I also have 2 Sponge Bats!"

-Wookiee & Spage


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Announcement

Working in government means that over time people greet the announcement of ministerial spending with a degree of cynicism. Whether it's because of previous experience with funding being pulled after it's been committed, the short-sightedness of a funding plan, or some other snafu, people tend to react with less than whole-hearted joy when these press releases occur.

Yesterday our Director announced that one of our programs that was slated to end next year has been renewed for two more years with several hundred million dollars in funding - $526 million to be exact.

This news was greeted with pointed questions and skeptical comments, and the Director cried out, "Okay guys, enjoy the moment! Don't go to your agitated place right away!"

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Words #2

emolument [i-mol-yuh-muhnt]

-the wages or perquisites arising from office, employment, or labour

"And they are not obliged to follow those occupations, if they prefer leisure to emolument."

-John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

Overheard In The Office #2

My co-worker was on the phone with a courier company arranging for a pick-up and I only heard her side of the conversation.

"It's going to the Kamloops Brain Injury Association.....B-R-A-I-N.....you know; the 'brain' brain?!"


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