Gorge Amphitheatre 2006

Once again, it is time for the Gorge! In six hours, Braemar, Wookiee and I will be driving southeast to the Columbia River gorge for three nights of Dave Matthews Band madness. Happy Labour Day weekend!

It Took A Lot Of Courage

I just dyed my hair from orange with brown roots to white blonde. When I showed up at work Monday morning, three different people told me that I was brave for having done that.

Bravery has been seriously devalued over the years.

Mystery Beast Update

Following up on the story I posted here, new information has been released here. Not surprisingly, preliminary DNA results show that the animal with "charcoal-coloured fur, blue eyes and blue lips" is most likely a dog. Complete results are expected this week. The DNA test can tell us which animal genes are present in the specimen, but not the percentages.

Two Sad Displays

I got an e-mail from one of my superiors at my old office the other day. The e-mail included this gem from the recesses of her brain; "'To be crazy or not to be crazy, that is the question' or am I misquoting again?" Yes, you are misquoting again, for crying out loud.

This morning I was telling my co-worker about this fascinating, albeit extremely long, article I was reading in the Globe and Mail about federal Liberal party leader hopeful Michael Ignatieff. She suddenly looked confused and asked, "He's not our Prime Minister is he?" "No." I replied, "The Liberal party doesn't have an official leader right now, he's one of the top contenders vying for the job." She then laughs, "Whew! I wasn't sure! I mean, I don't follow news and politics very much, but I was pretty sure he wasn't the Prime Minister!"

Yikes, one can't remember one of Shakespeare's most oft quoted lines, and the other doesn't even know who the head of the country is, not to mention that the current PM is a Conservative, not a Liberal. People never cease to amaze and disappoint me.

Day Of Mystery

Another mystery with a small Canadian connection has made it's way onto the pages of CBC.ca. This article (Toronto lab tests mystery 'beast') is like a modern English version of Le pacte des loups (translation: Brotherhood of the Wolf).

"For 15 years, residents in Androscoggin County in Maine have reported seeing and hearing an animal weigh[ing] about 20 kilograms...ha[s] a bushy tail, a short snout, short ears and curled fangs hanging over its lips with glowing eyes and a chilling cry."

Well, some mysterious animal was hit by a car and they think this might be their beast, so DNA tests are currently being conducted in Toronto. If I see an update about it, I'll post it here!

Canadian Armchair Detectives

Want an introduction to some interesting Canadian 'cold cases'? Check out Great Unsolved Mysteries in Canadian History where you can read about, well, unsolved mysteries in Canadian history. There are Mystery Quests too, but I think the highest age they're aimed at is 18 year olds. The website was featured in an article headlined; "New clues into identity of 19th-century legless, mute Maritimer". Call me a sentimental Canadian, but I think it's pretty cool.

Planetary Demotion

Astronomers have finally come up with the definition of a planet. We have been living in a world without that simple definition "since the days of Copernicus"! Under the newly ratified definition, Pluto does not qualify as a planet, so our solar system now contains 8 planets.

Pluto, which is smaller than Earth's moon, doesn't fit the new criteria for a planet: "a celestial body that is in orbit around the sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a … nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit."

I'm definitely happy about this decision, especially since a week ago we were in danger of having a definition that would have included Pluto and 3 other celestial bodies for a total of 12 planets in the solar system. I thought that would be a mistake, and it seems the astronomers agreed with me. And the funniest thing about the article? Well, it's trying to make it seem like this new classification is a really big deal, but the best "implication" that they could come up with, is that students will have to find a new mnemonic device to remember the names and order of the planets. Oh no! Not only is that incredibly easy and simple to do, but when I was in elementary school, we managed to remember that information just fine without a mnemonic device. Guess it just isn't 'news' unless it fucks with your life somehow.

Headline Of The Day #1

Rogue llama on the loose in Vancouver suburb

Braemar! Control your family pet!

Blame Factors

Whenever there is a motor vehicle accident, law enforcement officials love to mention both speeding and alcohol when describing the incident. They want to keep accidents, speeding, and alcohol connected in the mass subconscious. So even when speed and alcohol have nothing to do with an accident, the first thing they'll say completely unsolicited is "speed and alcohol were not factors in the accident". Well, who asked? In this case;

"RCMP in Powell River are investigating the death of a five-year-old girl who ran out into traffic on Highway 101 on Saturday…police say speed and alcohol are not believed to be factors in the death."

I believe that "victim ran into highway traffic" is the contributing factor here don't you think?

Actually, It's You, Not Me

I work for the Federal Government of Canada, and one of the peripheral expectations of the job is to be aware of current world events, whether they be related to local social policy or conflict abroad. However even if not employed by some level of government or political science department, I would expect my fellow humans to have some knowledge of these issues - or at least be interested to know. Sadly, it was once again demonstrated to me that most people are idiots.

I was talking to two of my co-workers upon my return from New York the other day. They asked me how my trip went and I was trying to think of work appropriate anecdotes.

"Actually, on the ferry ride back to Manhattan from Randall's Island the second night, I met a few guys from Arizona." They nodded as I continued, "The day before, they had been sitting in the window of some cafe when Kofi Annan, his wife, and two bodyguards walked by on the sidewalk!"

I finished the story with my eyes wide with excitement, anticipating their reactions. Instead, they both looked blankly at me.

"Isn't that cool?" I continued, trying to read their faces, "It would have been so neat to see him just walking down the streets of New York."

More stares of confusion greet me. I think I see the problem here. "You know Kofi Annan right?"

"Ahh...no..." One of them said, "Is he in a band or an actor or something?"

"What?? No. Kofi Annan! The UN Secretary General? The dude who's like, head of the UN? Been all over the news for months? You know?? Kofi Annan??" I sputtered incredulously.

They just shrugged their shoulders, still lost in this unfamiliar data. Then they laughed. At me. Because they thought it was funny that I would find some 'nobody' that they had never heard of before as interesting or cool.

*groan*

This moronic display was too pathetic for me to laugh at (even if only in my head). I only felt pity, for them, me, and the planet. I just smiled, relayed some fake understanding and compassion, thought briefly of what it might be like to live as they do, then walked away with an internal head shake. What else can you do with someone who would rather ridicule you than learn a little something about the world?

Suckers In 'Summer School'

I was talking to a friend of mine in Ohio about the coming school year, and he informed me that where he lives, and where he'll be attending university (in South Carolina), the fall term starts at the end of August.

Today, I was reading this story on Barely Legal: The Blog, which pointed to the fact that school started August 21st.

Dude, what's up with that? I don't have to be back in class until after Labour Day, but those crazy Americans start going to school during the summer! Suckers!

THAT, I'll Support

I rarely, if ever, submit to the monetary requests of the panhandlers/entertainers/chocolate bar sellers on the subways of Manhattan (or anywhere else for that matter). But there are always exceptions.

The other day on the V train, I was treated to the excellent voices of a homeless, toothless group of singers. They were the best, actually only, ghetto barbershop quartet I have ever heard, and they were awesome. Sadly, they started their set as I approached my stop, so I did not have time to photograph them, but did manage to weave my way through the train to hand them a dollar on my way out.

I wish I could have ridden the train a little longer with them, but the Mayan and Olmec artifacts at the Met were calling my name.

Magnetic Poetry #4

we are moments but all is always stopped

Political Escort Service

I just had the honour of escorting our Deputy Minister to a boardroom 13 floors downstairs.

It would have been more glamorous if I hadn't been directed to go wait in the hall for her arrival, along with a suggestion to bring something to read because it might be awhile.

Freak Magnet

Why is it that I attract the exact opposite kind of attention that I want?

Walking back to the hostel in the middle of the night some guy outside a 24 hour deli calls out to me, "Hey beautiful, what's your name?" I didn't tell him so he says "that's mean!"

Two nights in a row the middle aged front desk guy working the graveyard shift tried to get me to stay and talk to him by continually offering massages that "will take five years off [my] life". And when I try to just go upstairs and go to bed because it's fucking 4 in the morning, he taunts me with an "Oh, are you getting scared now?"

I met some moron kid from Texas on the hostel patio who proceeded to hit on me for three straight days. He text messaged me constantly, even while I was sitting in his presence, and never had the balls to say anything to my face. I repeatedly told him no, that I wasn't interested, and made as many jokes at his expense that I could. So after making it abundantly clear that he needs to fuck off, what does he do? He sends me a picture of his penis.

Of course.

Letter to Wookiee #6

Hate to put the pressure on you bro, but I have to know ASAP if you're going to Gorge this year. There are people clamouring for my extra tix.

Notice that I spend one week in America and I call you bro instead of dude? Good thing I'm flying home tomorrow.

DMB @ Randall's Island

Wow. And wow.

Two amazing sets, and incredible guest players. Warren Haynes on Cortez the Killer! Béla Fleck and the Flecktones BOTH NIGHTS on a 28 minute #41, Ants Marching, Lie In Our Graves, and Jimi Thing (with an I Dream of Jeanie interpolation!). Plus I got to enjoy the weekend with a slew of great people. We even had a mini Alpine Valley reunion! Besides the folks I already knew, I was lucky enough to meet a bunch of amazing folks this past week. Did I mention we also got a Last Stop that rivaled Alpine N2?

New York City - what can I say? I'll just quote Dave, "My mind is blown."

Subway Jonesing

People like to etch words into the windows of the subways in NYC. Mostly they're just a name, but today I saw an awesome one that filled a whole window. It said;

ROB
BLUNTS
BLUNTS
MAN
BLUNTS

Hostel Drama In NYC

I love New York. Everything about it. This post has nothing to do with those things. Well, maybe a little.

I got in pretty late last night and my three roommates were already asleep. At about five in the morning there was some commotion and voices, but I was pretty out of it and just fell back asleep. Half an hour later, one of the girls packed up all her shit and left the room. The other two girls were talking about how she was crazy. Now I had to know what the hell happened.

"Are you guys talking about the girl who just left?" I asked the Aussie who was in the bunk above the absentee guest.

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

"She accused me of masturbating for hours."

"WHAT??"

"She told me I had to stop because I had been at it for hours and she couldn't sleep."

"Oh. My. God. That's fucking crazy! And now she just left?"

"Yep. She's nuts!", the Brit in the bunk above me said.

"And she told this to the guy at the front desk?" I asked.

"Yeah. It's so embarrassing! What am I supposed to do!" the Aussie lamented.

Later this morning, I talked to Tony at the front desk about it. He asked me if it really had been bad. I had to say, that honestly, I don't think anything was going on and that the chick was just fucking nuts.

New York. There's always something crazy going on.